Kristi Andersen & Goldie Shabad
In 1976, we defended our University of Chicago dissertations — together in the same room! That was convenient for everyone, and somehow considered legitimate by the U of C (or possibly the facts were concealed from the administration). Sid was on both committees, and he presented us with a poem in honor of the occasion. It is a wonderful poem.
What joy to see
A Ph.D.
Come to its full fruition.
Today it’s true
We’re seeing two
Complete their awesome mission.
Crystal and gold,
So I've been told
Both sparkle in the light.
Kristi and Goldie,
So I've been toldie,
Are equally as bright.
Each has created,
Has dissertated
The requisite number of pages.
With tables and graphs-
Alas, not many laughs--
Their works will last for ages.
You 've gotta believe
What they did achieve
Took patience, effort, and time.
Their results are clear.
If you're longing to hear,
They can be summarized in rhyme.
The first is Kristi.
Our eyes all grow misty
When we think of her daring assignment.
Her task was just this:
To show all others did miss
The basis for realignment.
Converse may rave,
Key turn in his grave,
Miller may stamp and stomper;
Sundquist complain,
Burnham feel pain,
And Gerry may loudly Pomper.
But they cannot deny--
They would not dare try-
Her cogent new explanation.
The voters who switch
To a party' s new pitch
Are those without immunization.
The findings, I fear,
Will cost us all dear
And change all campaign calculation.
To keep voters immune
From the opposition 's tune
You give them a vaccination.
It won 't even matter
How candidates chatter
Or if their speeches are witty and clever.
You take the voters you 've got,
Give them a shot,
And they're yours for ever and ever.
Kristi's new theory
Cannot make us cheery:
What are rational voters to do?
If they switch their vote,
We'll all stand and gloat,
And say it's like catching swine flu.
The next one we've got
Is Goldie Shabad.
Her work took a different direction.
She wanted to know
Who was running the show
When you have socialist leader selection.
Compared with Kristi,
Her task was more risky.
Though a whole nation I would not malign,
The scholar who must
Survive Slovenian lust
Has put her body on the line.
The socialist goal
Of worker control,
This topic was Goldie’s choice.
Would the Yugoslav polity
Achieve more equality
By giving the workers more voice?
There 's no doubt about
How her research comes out,
And which workers rise to the top:
Those with drive and will,
With technical skill,
Their ascension no one can stop.
Hard work and devotion
Perpetual motion,
Education and status help as well.
The capitalist credo
Exists under Tito;
Milton Friedman would consider it swell.
This short exegesis
Of Goldie 's new thesis
Would make any true socialist sigh.
It means that the fate
Of each socialist state
Is to be run by a Norman Nie.
So let’s rise and say
A loud hip hooray;
Two new certified scholars we cherish.
May they never turn back
As they speed down life’s tenure track;
May they publish and never perish.
